My adventures with electronic games started like so many others from my era, on a family holiday in some quiet, cold and windy British seaside town. My parents couldn’t afford to fly us off to exotic climates of sun, sea and sand. So we made our own way of finding some sort of holidaying excitement. Mine happened to be the local arcade emporium. I remember the feelings of wonderment and awe when I entered into this new world of gaming madness for the first time. The sounds, the lights, it was all too much for my young small brain to cope with, the room began to spin, I was like an over excited pup running in circles after its own tail.

When I picked myself up from the floor, whimpering and howling like some sort of insane rabid dog, still dribbling and slavering with excitement, while my poor parents thinking that I was having some kind of breakdown (maybe I was), desperately began to drag me out of the building. Every inch of that smelly, dirty, sticky carpet I clawed and even bit at to try and stop them. Outside still chewing carpet I berated at how much I didn’t like being pulled out like that and how embarrassing it was, and could they take me back in please.

A few days later, with the promise that I would not in any terms go back to that particular arcade, I was released, erm allowed out to play again. The only thing was, not to raise any suspicion of my intentions I’d jammed my pockets and socks so full of loose change that I could hardly move. With a Herculean effort I managed to drag my legs to another arcade emporium (well I did keep my promise).

As I entered I made for the first cabinet that caught my attention, anything, I had to play it. It must have been a sight as I stood there hands rummaging in my pockets and socks, with a look of excitement and haste, trying to get the right amount of change to put into this box of tricks. When I finally found the right amount, I slowly placed the coin into place, with a gulp and a clash the money disappeared and my face lit up as my long adventure with games began.

After about an hour or so of playing, with my money quickly being eaten up by these greedy devourers of coins, I noticed that I only had a sock and a half of loose change left. So I decided to have a rest and do a bit of reconnaissance and see what other delights were just around the corner.

One cabinet put me in charge of a battle tank that was just lines and dots and moved so slow that a snail could have beaten it in a race. (Could have been called Battle-zone), anyway I thought it was absolutely brilliant. I’d never seen anything like it before, controlling a snail, with a gun it was a first for me. But back then it was amazing, I had not witnessed anything like it before. Come on who’d put a idiot like me in charge of a tank made out of thin lines, are you mad?

Then as I progressed I’d come across other electrical delights that sent me into a zombie like trance. I watched as the other kids played on these machines that took them off to another domain. Even the dads would jump on pretending to show there sons and daughters how it should be done. But really the kids were much better, as they watched their parents scream and shout at the big screen, making me realise that these arcades were suited to any age group, because it brought that little excited child out of us all.

I would haunt that arcade for the rest of the holiday, even when I’d have no money, I would still go just to watch people play on these machines. Once or twice I’d shout or move towards the controller to try and give assistance only to be pushed away with a grunt or a threat of violence, as I began to annoy more than help. Come on, you all must remember, that poor kid stood there watching, yes that was me.

The day of our departure back home used to bring a tear to my parents eyes as nearly all of the holiday camp would come and see me off. Thinking I had made a lot of new friends and that they were being polite and saddened to see me go. But as we drove out, the gates were padlocked and welded shut, while fire works lit up the sky in celebrations. Or a signal to say all clear, I never found that bit out.

Back on home soil I would begin to get withdrawal symptoms, the only arcade was a good bus ride away, and I’d be lucky to have the bus fare never mind the money to go on the machines, oh happy days. So after a time the whole notion of arcades were put to the back of my mind, till a time when needed.

My first foray into gaming at home was many years later, when I came into the possession of a Sinclair ZX81. Please don’t ask what games I owned as I can’t remember. I do however recall spending hours, and I mean hours, typing in game programs by carefully pressing down on those touch sensitive keyboards that the ZX81 had built into its chassis. Only to find out that for no apparent reason the masterpiece that I had been inputting so carefully into the tiny mechanics of this little black box either crashed or just vanished somewhere over the rainbow and far away never to be seen again?

I did try to have a go at learning and programming simple games (and I mean simple). But being not so bright (thick), I failed miserably. So I carried on with playing the games instead of trying to create them. To play a game though, you firstly had to load it into the small memory of the ZX81 by connecting a tape player to it and pressing play. While the ZX81 and tape were getting intimate, and making funny lines across my TV screen, producing a high and low pitched whine, that can only be describe as some sort of mind torture or a form of computer ecstasy as it loaded itself into gaming heaven. Then after what seemed an eternity, the two devices settled down, that meant only one thing, that I could now play my favourite game. With eyes bulging and hands a shaking I prepared myself for the excitement that was to come. Taking one last look at the instructions, which back then were pretty basic, and controlling my breathing (in out, in out), I was an athlete ready for anything, a gaming monster, “I was invincible”!

By now my sweaty hands had developed a mind of their own, with each finger keen to play their part, in this my new exciting adventure. I couldn’t hold back any longer, with a nervous titter I pressed the key to start this gaming extravaganza.

Still muttering, “I’m Invincible”! To myself I was ready, oh was I ready. When the ZX81 must have found all of this commotion too much for its poor little processor to handle, it let out a little whimper and had an attack of electronic nerves, thus having a big dump and losing the entire games program in an instant.

Not in the least concerned for the ZX81’s well-being, I started to shout insults at it, while now pressing as hard as I could down on the keys, “You plastic selfish *#$%??&, how could you”! With a mumble and a moan I turned my back on the now perfectly working ZX81, shoulders and hands shaking in distress.

As I turned away, I swore that I could hear a slight electronic cackle coming from it, or was it just me? This was the fun of owning an early gaming machine come computer, but to be honest many a good game was played on the old ZX81. Sadly I swapped my ZX81 for something or other, of which I do sincerely regret to this day, oh happy days.

With the promise not to become so emotionally attached to a machine (ZX81) and game, especially when the games were only available in black and white, I was given a reprieve and let out into the real world again to try and control my gaming menace. Oh what a mistake to make! I lasted all of two days, when on a beautiful summers day the birds were twittering and the dogs and cats were fighting! When a catalogue suddenly found its way into my hands and as if by magic a page caught my eye, it hurt and it made my eye water. But the pain was worth it.

All that I could hear was a chorus of halleluiahs and praise the lord, it’s a miracle, it’s a message from gaming heaven I thought. The birds stopped twittering, the dogs and cats stopped fighting and held paws and said, “Peace on you man”, wow this was amazing. (Of course, I was completely off my trolley).

The next thing I recall is arranging an outlandish fee payable by monthly repayments through the catalogue with my dad as collector of debts, boy was I looking for trouble. I didn’t care I had to have it (with games), whatever the cost, ignoring my inner feelings of safety and mental stability I went ahead and completed the purchase.

I waited feverishly for it to be delivered dreaming about it, looking at the pictures, look at all the games in there own little cartridges, oh all those games and not a tape recorder in sight, no more loading times, no more whining noises or lines on the telly to turn me into a crazed game zombie.

Then a week or two later my suffering was over, it had arrived, it was in the building. I sat there studying the information, reading every detail printed on the box. Also placed neatly next to it was another smaller box, “The four Games!” This only complicated matters for me, which do I open first?

Decisions, decisions, I remember it well, the machine or the games, games or the machine, machine or the games! Drooling and slavering I opened the bigger box, I tore at it as if I were some sort of wild insane kitty cat, Meee,ow,Wow! I kept on spluttering as more and more of this new machine revealed itself to me. After more tearing of cardboard and paper (not a pretty site), I stood there looking down at it feverishly panting, shreds of card and paper still stuck to my claws (hands). Time for introductions, I picked it up and stroked it (weird) in a shaky nervous voice, “Heellooo, hello there”.

Come on, really, a machine that can answer back; especially when I hadn’t even plugged it in. The time had come, I inserted all of the cables into the right orifices, the Phillips VideoPac G7000 was ready for lift off. With game cartridge in hand I gently slotted it into position, oh the tension, the excitement. With the game locked into place it was a go for ignition, five, four, three, two, one, it came to life, it lived. I played and played the joy and in colour too. One game was reminiscent of Star Wars, cartridge number eleven, Cosmic conflict, I remember it well.

Though the adrenalin soon faded and sadly the G7000 ended up in the attic forgotten, to be eventually given away for the local jumble sale. I often think back and wondered why I never kept it, what a fool!

With the G7000 now out of favour I decided to purchase from a work colleague a 48K Spectrum with printer, extended memory and games. I remember getting it home and unpacking it. It just looked sleeker, the keys were made out of rubber and ever so nice to touch (pervert). But it had to be loaded by tape, the whining and waiting was back!

Was I truly insane and into pain, with the order of messages, appearing on screen, Load Tape, and RUN! (I think the Spectrum was trying to warn me), but I didn’t I stayed glued to the screen, “Come to daddy”, I heard myself saying, “Oh baby”, Oh for goodness sake!

I even tried to learn basic programming again; thinking because it was in colour and a new machine that it would be easier to understand. Err well I tried; all of a minute in fact, until my brain started to self implode. Does not compute, overload, shutdown, ~@#??!# shut-down NOW! (That was the computer), blimey did that give me a headache.

After the usual initiation of waiting for the game to load, it was ready to play, “YES, YES, MORE, Mooooreee”, and that was me just playing Jet Pak. “But it was all in colour, with a better sound and it played beautifully, it was amazing”, I was ranting as the straight jacket was strapped up and I was carted of to a far away hospital.

When I escaped, a week or so later I found to my horror that my Spectrum had missed me so much; it had blown up its own transistors and wiped out its own memory. What a terrible way to go, a computer without its memory, it must have been awful for it.

I was devastated, the selfish #//!!

Many a year passed since my brush with gaming madness, I now had other bad habits like beer and women, well alright then beer. I was now busy renovating a house and making plans for my impending marriage, if that wasn’t madness? (Joke)

Believe it or not my addiction for gaming machines was rekindled on my honeymoon. There we were in Cornwall with my recently wed wife, who knew nothing of my past history in gaming madness, walking down a street in Penzance, when it happened. A shop window, and in this window was a funny looking little blue critter, I froze and stared. I had to have a closer look.

Before my wife realised I was in the shop and pestering the sales man for information.Finally walking out of the shop with a menacing look on my face, hugging and stroking a carrier bag while laughing in short and abrupt bursts.

Back at the caravan site, still mumbling and shaking, my wife thought that I was having some sort of seizure and at one point was on the verge of calling the camp doctor. Quick as a flash I pulled it out and laid it onto the table, my wife let out a loud shriek, as I stood there quivering, dribbling and foaming at the mouth. There in all its glory was the Mega Drive, complete with a game called Sonic the Hedgehog.

I prepared myself for this new exciting adventure; I carefully placed it next to the television, and nervously put the game into its slot, it went in without a hitch. Then while trying to explain to my wife why I had to have it, I turned it on, Sega it said to me and then this Sonic character raced onto the screen and was gone in a flash. The addiction had returned. This sonic character was amazing, the zones the speed, the graphics, the colour, racing through level after level, I hadn’t experienced anything like it. Neither had my poor wife, I sat there face pressed up to the screen. “Next level, I must reach the next level!”

The levels came and went, fighting the evil Dr Robotnik, by curling up into a spiked ball and pulverizing the enemy, picking up extras such as shields and invincibility even trainers that increased Sonics speed. Collecting enough rings only to be transported to the special stages to try and collect chaos emeralds. I was a gibbering wreck by the time I’d reached the marble zone, I couldn’t believe such a game existed.

Then I heard a little voice, “are you coming to bed?” I thought why is sonic asking me such a question? Then for a moment I came out of my trance, “Sorry love, just hold it there and………!” I carried on playing with blind excitement. Two hours past and I heard some strange noises coming from the bedroom, my wife snoring.

The next day looked as though I’d been to an all night party, hair stuck up, head banging, and my hands resting in ice buckets to relieve the swelling and throbbing of my fingers, not able to speak only grunt in some sort of foreign language, which even I couldn’t understand. I sat their staring at the now familiar Sonic the Hedgehog, I WANTED MORE!

Sonic has a lot to answer for, I even blamed him when my wife complained that I hadn’t gone to bed that night, “It wasn’t me love, it was that Sonic the hedgehog”. She looked at me in shear amazement and confusion. This started me on my insane quest for more and varied challenges of game play most were fantastic but some were absolutely abysmal, compared to Sonic.

With the mega drive well and truly fixed into my subconscious, the NES and SNES didn’t even get a look-in. Nor did the mega drives earlier incarnation the Master System. I was hooked to the Mega Drive, t was my master and I it’s servant, every time I passed a shop selling games I had to obey! I had to buy, then only to hurry back and feed this hungry passion.. What madness, what joy?

Then as time wore on I slowly regained my marbles (A bit anyway), and began to control it, instead of it controlling me. I also began to get myself so frustrated with the console and game that I’d start to shout foul obscenities at the television screen. On one occasion I became so incensed that with a gnashing of teeth, I attempted to strangle the control pad while turning a funny sort of reddish plumy colour and rambling on how gaming programmers were masochists. Eventually the fire brigade arrived and with hydraulic tools and crow bars they managed to release the joy pad from my now rigid grasp.

After that incident (one of many) I began to limit my playing time, well it was the wife’s orders really and the men in white coats, and the fire service and………. Oh what fun, what great memories, how we laughed, well not all the time! But Sega had something looming on the horizon; boy did they know how to keep a gaming menace hanging on, the rumours, the talk, the tension. My wife hitting me over the head with the frying pan, but I didn’t feel a thing as I was over the hills and far away.

The rumours became fact, the Mega CD was here; the tension grew unbearable, the price seemed impossible (unbelievable). “That’s too expensive!” I remember blubbering to my wife, and had a childish tantrum and sulked for ever and ever. All the other shoppers looked on in sympathy, mainly for my wife, who stood there looking very embarrassed.

A few weeks later my wife must have either taken pity or just had enough of me walking around wearing a nappy, a bib and sucking a dummy, particularly when we had visitors. As she put a little towards the cost of purchasing this add on for the Mega drive. The package contained games and a free arcade control centre; it was out of this world. With a snap and a click the two pieces were joined together in perfect harmony, I spat out my dummy, changed my nappy, and prepared to be turned on, (err sorry) prepared to turn the Mega CD on.

The ecstasy of it all this, shiny new piece of hardware it looked awesome, it had possibilities. They looked made for each other sat there intertwined in gaming machine-ness, with lights a flashing, READY FOR ACCESS! Then without warning the tray opened where I carefully placed the CD, with a whiz and a whirl the CD disappeared into the inner sanctum of this now living thing.

The television screen sprang to life, it looked futuristic it was fantastic, “Oh WOW! Look at that, look at this!” I kept on shouting out. I played enjoyed and slaved over this new form of mind boggling electronic-ness; it was like nothing that I had seen before.

There were good games and some very bad games, but not deterred I continued in my long journey for better and faster forms of gaming amusement. I had to have the gaming fix, I had to develop my skills (which are poor believe me). What was to be expected next from the Sega boffins I waited with baited breath? This was the start of something that would take on a fresh and new form of storing bigger and better gaming pleasure; the game on a CD would soon conquer the world.

With the Mega CD and Mega drive still intertwined in a gaming romance, I was amazed when Sega introduced an interloper, the 32X. Where upon it would rudely fit into the Mega drives cartridge slot. All three of them entwined together like some form of peculiar arty farty monstrosity.

But peculiar is my middle name and I wanted it badly, I convinced myself of its importance and of how the other two systems needed it too, (it was their destiny). With this in mind I set off on my quest for the magic mushroom from the planet Sega. It was an encounter fought with danger and cunning, defeating evil inner angels to be able to fabricate a story of such woe and turmoil, that I could accumulate pity points to use to defeat the bosses of all bosses, The Wife. It was a hard and long journey guessing which mood to counteract a bad mood, not drinking in public, washing, cooking, the list was endless I was completely exhausted.

My adventures must have been successful as I found myself in possession of the Magic Mushroom. With the 32X slotted into place it was time for action, I inserted the game of all games DOOM, here you would walk around a labyrinth of corridors shooting at anything and everything that came charging your way while collecting ammo and upgrades to aid you in your perilous missions. It literally blew me away with its power and speed this made the adventure to planet Sega worth it.

This little extension of happiness was a godsend for me, at a time when I was personally becoming disenchanted with the whole gaming scene. It seemed to bring back that area of new innovations and excitement. But Sega being Sega didn’t really push the 32X to its limit and through poor marketing and greed; I think Sega forgot about the people that mattered, the consumer (Shame on you Sega).

Though I didn’t buy a lot of games for the 32X I still at that time enjoyed the arcade conversions. Like Space Harrier and After Burner. The 32X still proved itself to be a capable gaming extra, but sadly not taken seriously at a time when the next generation of gaming intoxication was speedily heading my way.

After a two year absence without anything to do with games and consoles, due to more important priorities (like life), I did at one point seriously consider selling my small collection. I even phoned around to see who would offer the best price. For me this was very serious, as I seemed to have misplaced the gaming buzz that I once had. Even the weekly, monthly magazines and other forms of information suddenly ceased (It was terrifying).

Then one Christmas my wife came to the rescue and bought me a machine called the Playstation. I was amazed and delighted, I felt the blood pumping through my body, it was back, the gaming menace was once again alive and kicking.

The Playstation was different it was to me the new kid on the block, the sample disc of a dinosaur running about opening and shutting its mouth, just like my mother in law (Definitely a joke). The whole thing had rekindled my infatuation and pleasure in games. The entire console seemed to throb with electric-ness it was the light at the end of the gaming tunnel. The games immersed you into another world of enchantment and freshness, it was just what was needed to bring innovation and pure magic back to the now fed up gaming world.
With my newly acquired companion I was on the way to salvaging my interest in electronic entertainment. But there was something different about this console it appeared to have a more mature nature about it. I had the feeling that it would attract a wider audience of clientele of all ages. Now grown ups could walk into a game shop and not be embarrassed at buying GAMES, they didn’t have to hide behind there kids or wives to purchase a certain game or machine. The gaming menace was about to get even bigger, with people now confessing to their gaming habits and hobbies, the doors were now wide open for anything and anyone.

The Playstation for me woke up my more mature side of gaming fun (Frightening) it also gave me an insight in how games could be catered for people of all ages, even an immature mad gamer like me. With this more grown-up feeling (Ha who was I kidding), I purchased a Sega Saturn, it was in a sale with a free game I couldn’t resist. I must have been standing there an age because a security guard came and ushered me off the premises, mind I didn’t blame him; I was rocking to and fro while ranting on to myself, why should I buy another console.

Eventually I bought the Saturn and game, and rushed back to my wife, who for some reason decided to wait in the car? I set it up with the usual madness and insanity and played the free game, Sega Rally, it was brilliant. I was for the umpteenth time well and truly caught up in a web of gaming desire and filth. Some of the Saturn’s games were absolutely eye popping; I can say so, it took me a week to find my right eye when I first played Nights into Dreams, and I lost my tongue when I experienced the Panzer Dragoon series. So Sega could still provide games of quality and playability.

For a while my loyalty to Sega was reinvented and we ran off into the sunset together and lived happily ever after amen. But things don’t last forever and I lost the Saturn somewhere over the rainbow, I was filled with guilt and remorse how could I loose my Saturn. I had to find something else to torture and curse when it didn’t let me win at the millionth attempt. These machines have no feelings you know, they won’t be bribed or talked round, they just sit there laughing at you (think I better go and have a lie down in a darkened room).

I still felt that the Saturn should have achieved a lot more of a status in the gaming market but it was carrying unwanted baggage behind it the Mega CD and 32X. These past hardware failures were the main reason for holding it back from the competition, mainly the Playstation. I did find however that these next generation consoles were getting a bit complicated. It seemed that before I could play the game I had to run through a check list. Small battery making contact CHECK, right settings for TV CHECK, right language CHECK, Clock set to right hour and time CHECK, Memory CHECK. I began to feel well checked off I can tell you, all I wanted to do was to play the game!

But once you and your co-pilot had checked everything off and read the 2000 page instruction manual and safety booklet, it was here we go chaps up, up and away to the virtual world of Sega (Tally ho). On one fine Saturday morning still half asleep and looking for a fresh new gaming desire, a letter “N” for no apparent reason suddenly flew pass me in a swish and a swoosh. I was just about to try and catch it when the letter “I” shot by narrowly missing my big nose. After rubbing my eyes and taking my medication the word NINTENDO became visible floating in the air (Insane or what!)

Nintendo, I thought now that would be a change, but which console should I go for? The NES, a SNES (Bless you) or the N64, immediately I opted for the N64 mainly because of the Mario 64 game. Believe it or not I hadn’t played a single Mario game before, shock and horror I hear you shouting, “Hang him by his #@*###, the scoundrel!” Admittedly Nintendo never really caught my eye; I can feel the noose already tightening around my neck.

A bit later I returned from the local game shop holding my N64 high above my head squealing like a hungry baby. It took me a few minutes longer to digest what I had bought? Bizarre you may think but even stranger to someone as Nintendo-less as me. As I was preparing to launch into a new era in my gaming odyssey, I noticed that this console still used cartridges instead of CD, I let out such a shriek that my wife came running with my dummy and rattle.

But truth be known I was amazed and gob smacked at the N64’s capabilities, the control pad looked like you could literally fly a space ship with it, but best of all was Super Mario 64 and Golden Eye, they were a joy to behold, how they jammed all of that gaming genius into them small chunky cartridges was beyond me. What had I been missing? I had found a new ally in my gaming collective, Nintendo.

After many happy adventures in Nintendo Land, I eventually returned to Planet Sega on hearing about a System called the Dream Cast. What was this new machine and were was it going to take me? I had to find out more to see if it was going to be worth my limited gaming attention.

The day came when I became the proud owner of the Sega’s newest console, with a hypnotic like trance I methodically opened the box and studied the contents with care and consideration. It seemed to have a lot more to it than previous incarnations; I was getting confused at things like, online gaming, virtual memory, keyboard and mouse, it went on and on, I broke out in a sweat and fainted (Sad I know).

When I’d composed my self I continued to read the instructions with the understanding of an elephant I finally worked out how to press down on the start button. The now usual check list appeared time, country, do you harm consoles, ect, ect, ect, with all that completed I inserted the game into the now wide open mouth of the DreamCast. I double checked that I’d put the virtual memory into the sleek looking controller then pressed the corresponding buttons to send me on my computerized travels of action and fun.

The machine let out a little whir and a whiz and sprang to attention the fun had begun, rubbing my hands and laughing in a loud and utterly outlandish way I prepared for the moment of truth. The game loaded and with a deep breath I accepted the challenge, the atmosphere was tense and smelly (sorry nerves), I challenged and played and competed but the #?#@$ wouldn’t let me win, there all the same, selfish never let you win one little round, what a console.

The DreamCast was a competent little box of tricks and again Sega proved that it could show forward thinking, especially with the online gaming section were it was ahead of the field. The whole system did Sega credit and should have competed well against the competitors, but Sega had a bad reputation by now, losing the once faithful followers.Most of the DreamCast’s games were of a high standar,d especially Shenmue one and two, which Sega spent a fortune on developing and producing and received back a fraction of their production costs. This is where Sega hit financial difficulties and started to cut back on certain aspects of product quality.

Sadly Sega pulled out of the hardware market altogether, thus making the DreamCast as popular as piles. I was saddened to see the end of Sega’s hardware division, as it was at one time a big player in the console wars, especially with Nintendo.

As Sega stopped production of the DreamCast I again also stopped buying, not out of sympathy for Sega, but again my interest waned a little as I had other more important things to do. I remember finding this small independent games shop and the feeling I’d have when I walked in like a big kid in a candy store, trying to pick the best games out from a choice of hundreds of all makes and models. But one day this feeling of wanting every game, and playing them vanished, it just left me, only to buy one when the feeling took me, which isn’t a bad thing in hind sight, but to me it was a bad sign.

Five years of boredom would pass before my interest in games began to rear its head again. I was recovering from a spate in hospital, when I decided to dig my collection out and go through them. From then on I have increased not only my games collection, but I have also expanded into other forms of gaming merchandise. I am not knowledgeable or pretend to know everything about the history of games or systems; I seriously am just a mad collector of the gaming past we now call retro. I definitely do not go to retro shows or shops and start to quote prices, “Oh that’s worth blartey, fartey, tartey”, as I think this just gets up peoples noses.

I personally buy games and consoles new or old for the simple fact that I want to, I don’t buy them to make money, I keep them for myself and I’m not particular whether a game is worth millions or pennies, if it’s a game that catches my eye, I will probably get it.

But I do believe in giving credit were credit is due, and think of past gaming devices and games, and to the people who toiled to bring their ideas to the masses. If it wasn’t for them, and there is a good few out there, we wouldn’t have the gaming systems and games we take so much for granted today, and that’s why I think retro is an important part of our gaming history. So there!